Regaining one’s focus

May 20, 2019

Two nights ago, a woman told me to go f**k myself. A couple of days before that, another woman flipped me the bird while passing me on the freeway. I obviously have a way with women. They just don’t know that they’re under my spell.

I volunteer occasionally as an usher at the nearby Luther Burbank Center for the Arts in Santa Rosa, and Saturday night I was taking tickets at one of the entrances. A woman approached me, fumbled frantically in her purse for her ticket, then discovered that she didn’t have it. She told me that her friend must have it, and brushed past me into the lobby to find her friend. I followed her, explaining that she can’t come into the lobby without a ticket. She erupted, told me to go f**k myself, then stormed out of the building. A few minutes later she came back to me, showed me her ticket, and snarled “Are you satisfied now?” I just thanked her, and said nothing more. The show that night? Stand-up comedian Paula Poundstone. I know of at least one patron at that show who could learn from Paula to take life a little less seriously.

Earlier in the week I was driving home from work on Highway 101 in San Rafael when a woman in an SUV came speeding up behind me in the fast lane. Normally I have no problem with pulling over to let a faster driver pass me, but in this case she got right on my bumper in an attempt to intimidate me with her larger vehicle. It didn’t work. In fact, it had the opposite effect. I slowed down. Enraged, she honked her horn and gesticulated wildly, but when I wouldn’t do her bidding she whipped around and pulled alongside me, displaying a finger which could have meant “We’re number one!” Or not, as the case may be. Perhaps, like me, she is a fan of the Golden State Warriors, and was just expressing her solidarity with our local basketball team. But I doubt it.

Speaking of the Golden State Warriors (he said, in a clever segue), Draymond Green is a player notorious for his temper tantrums. A talented and passionate athlete, he’s a major reason why the Warriors are doing well in the playoffs right now. But until recently he was better known for screaming at officials and opposing players and occasionally even his own teammates.

Now, however, something has caused the fiery 29 year-old to regain his composure. He says that he realized that he was setting a bad example for his toddler son. Other reports say that his mother and fiancee advised him to keep his cool when dealing with referees. Whatever the explanation may be, a New York Times sports reporter commented that Green “…may be operating with more diplomacy than usual, but his level of ferocity feels familiar. He is merely channeling it in all the right ways.”

Green’s coach Steve Kerr concurred, saying “He’s playing with force. He’s playing with discipline. He’s playing under control. He’s not letting anything bother him. Officiating, bad shots, turnovers, he’s just moving on to the next play.”

So what do the two women mentioned above have in common with Draymond Green (and, truth be told, with me)? All four of us have a tendency to let our anger get the better of us, and when it happens, it ain’t pretty. But Draymond, if he can continue to redirect his intensity into a positive direction, is showing us the benefits of being centered in a more mature level of who we really are. Complaining and blaming are momentarily gratifying, but ultimately counterproductive. Better to channel our ferocity in more constructive ways, and move on to the next play.

Easier said than done. But that’s what I’m working on these days: staying focused on my more evolved self, rather than my ego self, and when I lose my cool, noticing that and then choosing a loftier intention. That should please the two ladies. And if it doesn’t, they can go f**k themselves.