December 7, 2018

     On what side of the sidewalk should one walk when in England? After six weeks in that country recently, I still didn’t know the answer to that question. And apparently almost no one else knows the answer either, judging from the continual pedestrian dodging that I and others engaged in while walking on what they call their pavement (sidewalks). 

     Should you walk on the right, the way Americans and most other societies do? Or, since the British drive on the left, do they also keep to the left while walking on the sidewalk? I was willing to do it either way, if I could just discern a pattern or have someone tell me the rules. I did a great deal of walking in London during the first three weeks of my trip, and I wanted to enjoy my sightseeing without getting in anyone’s way or having them be an obstacle course for my foot travel. But at times I found it stressful having to constantly decide at the last second when to give way and when to stay the course as I made  my way down the sidewalk. 

     I asked several locals if there is a custom regarding this matter, and to my surprise and disappointment they all said that they didn’t know. Eventually, after I had left London and joined a tour group in Bath, I asked our 62 year old English tour leader Roy for his perspective. He told me that when he was young he was taught to walk on the left side of the sidewalk, but now that custom isn’t being passed down to the next generations. In addition, he said, with so many international tourists and immigrants it’s hard to get people to observe a tradition that few British people themselves observe. 

     Pedestrian anarchy is hardly unique to England. Manhattan is just as bad. And in my experience, Bombay and Cairo are worse. I once asked an acquaintance from Lima, Peru what the Spanish word for jaywalking is. She laughed, and said there is no such word in Spanish, and that in Lima everyone just walks wherever the hell they want to walk. So I guess it’s mainly a big city problem, though many if not most people may not see it as a problem at all. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive. But I do prefer social harmony, and etiquette can help to avoid social conflict.

     I remember an incident many years ago in San Rafael, California, where I was somewhat distractedly walking down a sidewalk when I was approached by a young man angrily glaring at me as he walked straight at me. I quickly debated in my mind whether it was worth a confrontation with him or whether I should just step aside. I chose the latter course, and he visibly relaxed and continued on his way. I then realized that he was observing the custom of walking to the right, and I was on the wrong side (his side) of the sidewalk. He was holding his ground, his territory, and I was violating the custom and in his mind challenging him. Once I respected the custom, I respected him. Confrontation avoided. 

     Most people are flexible about such customs. While I almost always keep to the right on sidewalks, I make exceptions for the elderly, children, dog-walkers, and people carrying anything heavy or awkward. But sometimes I can be stubborn and stick to my right-side trajectory as a matter of principle. 

     But much less so when traveling. As a visitor, I’m acutely aware that I’m an outsider, and it is I who need to respect the local customs, even if there aren’t any discernible rules.  In Bombay five years ago I was told by a local guide that Indians have no street etiquette – people do anything they want, creating chaos with jaywalking, reckless driving, honking horns, and cutting in lines. He added that Indians enjoy defying government rules and social niceties. So I have observed. 

     We don’t all play by the same rules. That’s hard for someone like me who appreciates order and harmony.  Maybe I’m better off pretending that I’m always a visitor wherever I go. Customs and rules may be preferable, but perhaps flexibility and kindness are the real etiquette. 

     December 6, 2018

     Yesterday was the state funeral for former President George H.W. Bush. I watched excerpts of it on the PBS Newshour, and have been reading obituaries and remembrances of Mr. Bush from various journalists and former colleagues. I didn’t vote for him, and disagreed with him at times, but I respected him both as a political leader and especially as a human being. Many commentators have noted the stark contrast between President Bush and President Trump: the former an experienced public servant, skilled diplomat, and kind-hearted and thoughtful man, and the latter possessing none of those attributes. 

     At the state funeral were former presidents Carter, Clinton, George W. Bush, and Obama, along with Trump. Of those, the one I respect the most is Jimmy Carter. Not a great president, but a good president and a good man. Humble, living a simple life, still volunteering at age 94 as a carpenter to build homes for low income people, and not trying to take advantage of his political connections to enrich himself. 

     Both George H.W. Bush and Jimmy Carter were fiercely competitive politicians, as you have to be to reach that level of political power, and each of them said and did things against their opponents that were sometimes less than charitable, to put it mildly. But both of them remind me of Mr. Rogers, the TV personality who it turns out was every bit as kind and compassionate in his real life as he was on his children’s show. Bush senior and Carter probably can’t match the saintliness of Fred Rogers, and I doubt that it’s possible for any political leader to do so. Politics is a game of hardball, especially nowadays. But Bush senior and Carter still managed to convey a sense of decency,  civility, and integrity that is becoming increasingly rare in the political class. 

     On my bulletin board I have what could be described as a rogues gallery of small photos of men I don’t like: North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, Russian president Vladimir Putin, and Donald Trump. Why would I choose to have such pictures on my wall? As a reminder that even ignorant men corrupted by power deserve compassion. That’s why I also have a photo of the Dalai Lama in between the photos of the deluded three, to symbolize the positive energy and wisdom needed by those three and by all of us.  Interestingly, I also have photos of myself as a slim young man on that same bulletin board, to motivate me to stay fit. Knowing my shadow side as I do, I could easily qualify for someone else’s rogues gallery, especially if I had gone into politics as I once intended to do. As it is, my photos are inches away from the nasty trio’s photos, a possible reminder that I may not be as far from their egoism as I might like to believe. 

     I appreciate people like George H.W. Bush, Jimmy Carter, Fred Rogers, and the Dalai Lama. They are good role models for all of us, in spite of whatever shortcomings they might possess. As for messrs  Trump, Kim, and Putin, I believe that they are learning lessons the hard way about karma, not as punishment but as teachings about the law of cause and effect. Good luck to each of them on their soul’s journey. I don’t envy them the consequences of their actions. As for Presidents Bush and Carter, Mr. Rogers and the Dalai Lama, congratulations on lives well lived. Character matters. 

     December 5, 2018

     Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, 
     there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
     When the soul lies down in that grass,
     the world is too full to talk about. 

                    Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

     But since I’m not currently lying down in that grass, I’m going to talk about it. The field, that is. And the world. 

     Oh, I’ve visited that field many times, in my waking reality and in dreams. But most of the time I’m too busy or distracted to go there. It’s a place of serenity and joy, confidence and hope. A place where I can let go of my opinions, judgments, and resentments. A place where I actually  believe the words of a Qi Gong teacher, “All is well and getting better in all dimensions.”

     Where is this wonderful field? Within the deepest levels of my (and your) psyche. How do we get there? Asking. Prayer. Meditation. Nature walks. Whatever works. Just longing for it seems to help. 

     So if it’s so wonderful, why don’t I go there more often? Why doesn’t everyone go there more often?

     Most people don’t seem to know that it exists. Me, I have no excuse. I know it’s there. I love hanging out there when I take the time to visit. I guess I just need to prioritize a visit over the more mundane aspects of my life, like working for a living. 

     Yesterday I met someone who seems to have the same problem that I have, i.e. busyness. I was driving on the freeway going to work when a guy in a black Jeep SUV starts tailgating me. I looked in the rearview mirror, and to my amusement saw that his large vehicle had, attached to either side of the roof, a pair of reindeer antlers, with a large red ball for a nose attached to his front grille. I was being tailgated by Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer! I guess I didn’t have enough holiday enthusiasm, because he soon gunned his engine and roared past me. But to make the encounter with Mr Christmas Spirit even more surreal, when he raced past me and abruptly cut in front of another car, THAT car had reindeer antlers on the sides of ITS roof! I should have laughed. But instead I was curious: what if anything would the driver of the second reindeer car do once he/she was so rudely cut off? Give Rudolph the yuletide finger? Alas, it was not to be. Maybe the second reindeer car heeded the words of the song about Rudolph: “All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names.”

     I wish I could feel morally superior to Rudolph. But I recognized in him my own qualities of impatience and aggressiveness. He and I suffer from what a Catholic priest once described to me as “hurry sickness.” 

     I don’t know about you, but I want to slow down this holiday season. In fact, I need to slow down almost all the time. Why? Because I want to spend more time where it really matters: in my inner field. And if you want to join me, I’ll meet you there.