Knighthood

January 18, 2022

How can human society in general, and men in particular, channel male aggression in a positive direction? Strangely, that question came to me after I already had an answer.

A few days ago I awoke with the word “knighthood” in my consciousness. I don’t remember having a dream about knights, so I don’t know why that word occurred to me when it did. Yet there it was, an answer to a question I had not asked. Or maybe it’s a question I’ve been asking for a long time.

It’s pretty obvious that almost all of the violence on this planet is perpetrated by men. War, murder, rape, brutality, torture, slavery are almost exclusively male specialties. Yes, females too have their dark sides; women friends have told me that girls can be vicious bullies toward one another, and grown women can be cruel and cold hearted. But girls and women don’t seem to have the large scale of destructive effects on society that misdirected male energy has. So for now I’ll let my female readers ponder their gender’s shadow side while I consider a possible solution to toxic masculinity.

That solution just might be a modern version of knighthood.

I’m not suggesting a return to the jousting of the Middle Ages; our current iteration of armored bodies slamming into one another is called American football. And while I don’t like the violence of that sport, I must confess that a primitive part of my psyche enjoys rooting for our local football team, the San Francisco 49ers, in the current playoff games. So yes, sports can be one way of redirecting violent male impulses in such a way that only the well paid players get hurt.

But it’s not clear to me whether gladiator sports and video games release negative competitive energies vicariously or whether they unconsciously encourage gun violence, drunken road rage, abuse of women, etc. I guess I’d feel better about high school, college, and professional sports if they placed a greater emphasis on sportsmanship, fair play, and honoring opposing players and fans, rather than winning at all costs and denigrating their opponents and the other team’s supporters.

Most little boys grow up admiring sports heroes or wanting to be like superheroes such as Superman or Spiderman. I know I did. But consciously or not, we also want to look up to men who are not just physically strong but who have a nobility of spirit, a selflessness and courage to face life’s difficulties and help others to do the same.

European and Moorish knights were mostly just soldiers on horseback, but sometimes they aspired to uphold a code of chivalry that honored one’s duty to God, that offered respect and gallantry toward women, and that protected the weaker members of society. Like their knightly counterparts, Japanese samurai were also professional killers, but they too attempted to follow their honor code of bushido. And Don Quixote, a fictional character initially created by author Miguel de Cervantes to make fun of the romanticized versions of knighthood, ended up transcending his author’s intentions to become a lovable if unsuccessful yet heroic knight errant.

One of my favorite boyhood role models was Crazy Horse, an Oglala Lakota warrior who through his courage in battle and his generosity toward his people was granted the great honor of being one of four members of the Shirt Wearers Society. But the sacred shirt was not just a trophy. It was a symbol of great responsibility toward the community. As one of the old chiefs said when bestowing the special shirts upon Crazy Horse and his three comrades,

“Wear the shirts, my sons,” he said, “and be big-hearted men, always helping others, never thinking of yourselves. Look out for the poor, the widows and orphans and all those of little power; help them. Think no ill of others, nor see the ill they would do to you. Many dogs may come to lift the leg at your lodge, but look the other way, and do not let your heart carry the remembering. Do not give way to anger, even if relatives lie in blood before you. I know these things are hard to do, my sons, but we have chosen you as great-hearted. Do all these things gladly, and with a good face. Be generous and strong and brave in them, and if for all these things an enemy comes against you, go boldly forward, for it is better to lie a naked warrior in death than to be wrapped up well with a heart of water inside.” (Crazy Horse: The Strange Man of the Oglalas, by Mari Sandoz).

It is perfectly natural for boys and men to desire distinction, honor, and glory. But isn’t it better for all of us if we can achieve those desires through a chivalrous ethic of service to others? I have to believe, to hope, that communities the world over can support or create groups such as the Boy Scouts, the Peace Corps, and the equivalents of the Shirt Wearers Society, to guide young men into constructive uses of their ambition and their energy.

My friend Bruce does not desire distinction, honor, or glory, as far as I know. Instead, he practices a humble form of chivalry known in his Jewish tradition as tikkun olam: acts of kindness to repair the world. Bruce volunteers at homeless shelters, serving meals and talking with the residents, and he volunteers at a local food pantry, and he volunteers in a restorative justice program at San Quentin prison, and for 10 years he used part of his vacations to spend time helping kids from disadvantaged backgrounds who had AIDS.

Now that’s what I call knighthood.

Can you imagine a world full of Bruces, where boys and men compete to see who can help the most people? A world where boys and men have the courage to protect and defend the planet? A world where boys grow up to be men who appreciate women and treat them with great respect? A world where ambition leads to service?

Now I think I understand why I awoke with that one word on my mind.