Mysterious Strangers

January 4, 2022

I don’t know how I did it, but somehow I’ve ended up with some wonderful friends. And the crazier the world gets, the more I appreciate my friends and family.

When I was young I thought I could make the world a better place by going into politics and helping to steer California and the nation in a more enlightened direction. Eventually I realized that my desire for power and glory was just as self centered and corrupt as many of the politicians and business people whom I deplored. Now in the last quarter of my life it seems that I’m just along for the ride, carried along with everyone else in a sea current of our collective evolution. I do believe that the human race is evolving, if painfully and often unconsciously. So I might as well enjoy the ride, body surfing the waves of climate change, the pandemic, political turmoil, and economic uncertainty.

But it’s more fun to swim and surf with companions. So in the last few days I’ve taken advantage of some downtime before a wave of work crashes over me to spend time with a few of my friends in person, on the phone, or on Zoom. Navigating the waters of current events alone is sometimes depressing, but my buddies are helping me stay afloat by playfully splashing and frolicking and keeping me buoyant.

One thing my friends have in common is that they all make me laugh. And I love them for that, and for their good hearts, their wisdom, their loyalty, and their quirks. They keep me centered and emotionally honest.

Some of them know each other because many of us were Nichiren Buddhists in the 1970’s. Our idealism may have been shipwrecked on the shoals of reality, but sincerity, determination, and laughter have been our life preservers in troubled waters.

Jovial Joseph is down to earth and loves people. Montgomery is a musician with a passion for history. Diana is honest, unpretentious, and rescues big dogs. Phil is a reverent and irreverent ocean scientist and scuba diver committed to protecting the seas. Cris is a therapist and social worker who has worked with the homeless. Judy volunteers at San Quentin prison where she helps prisoners in a restorative justice program. Jim teaches yoga and adores his wife and animals. Rikki is a writer with a dedication to martial arts and her spiritual journey. My newest confidante Susan is a librarian, avid reader, and Francophile. And I’m proud to call all of them friends. I’m blessed with the best. And these are just the sidekicks that I’ve been able to talk to in the last few days. There are other buddies floating nearby who are just as terrific. I am a rich man indeed.

I can’t help but wonder how it is that I am so fortunate to enjoy the relationships that I have in my life. I’m grateful to my mom Maggie and my sisters Sally and Laura, as well as my dad Roy who is no longer with us, at least physically. What did I do to deserve them, and all my comrades? Celtic mysticism and Nichiren Buddhism offer a couple of possible clues.

The Nichiren term kenzoku-myo means mystic relationship or kindred spirit. And the term zenchishiki means a good friend who supports one’s spiritual journey. Together the terms suggest an unseen bond forged in prior lives or in-between lives. In other words, it’s no accident that the people in our lives are present for us in their current roles. Even difficult people are performing their assigned parts in the stage plays of our lives. This is not to say that everything is preordained; but karma and prior relationships may well draw us to one another through the law of attraction. Birds of a feather flock together.

This Buddhist idea of previous associations is corroborated at least theoretically by Celtic tradition. Here is the Irish poet John O’Donohue:

“Anam is the Irish word for ‘soul,’ and cara is the word for friend. In the anam cara friendship, you were joined in an ancient way with the friend of your soul. This was a bond that neither space nor time could damage. The friendship awakened an eternal echo in the hearts of friends; they entered into a circle of intimate belonging with each other.

“In everyone’s life there is great need for an anam cara, a soul friend. In this love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension…you can be as you really are…Where you are understood, you are at home.

“The beauty of being human is the capacity and desire for intimacy. Yet we know that even those who are most intimate remain strange to us.” (from Eternal Echoes: Celtic Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong).

I don’t pretend to understand my friends completely. Even those who I’ve known for over half a century are mysterious strangers, just as there are parts of myself with which I am not fully acquainted. All I know is that in a time of great change and planetary upheaval, when the passing show of political and environmental and social drama sometimes feels overwhelming, the real story, that which endures beyond time and space, is love and friendship. And I’m so grateful to my friends for helping me to laugh at the absurdities of this world.

I’ll give John O’Donohue the final word:

“Like the joy of the sea coming home to shore, may the relief of laughter rinse through your soul.”