Father’s Day, June 21, 2020
It’s fashionable again for many white liberals to feel guilty about their skin color. This was true during the civil rights movement of the 1960’s, and it’s true now with the Black Lives Matter movement against police brutality. But while self reflection and introspection are healthy responses to any personal or social problem, self flagellation is another matter entirely.
As a white man, I don’t feel guilty or privileged, especially since the word privileged is often a negative, judgemental term that implies elitism or wealth. But I do feel fortunate. I don’t have the disadvantages that black people suffer from. My health is excellent. I live simply, but in a beautiful area in a mostly peaceful and prosperous country. And I had a head start in life by having two parents who loved me and who made sure that I got a good education in the pubic schools.
Our family dynamics were complicated and rocky when I was growing up, so I did experience some turmoil, confusion, and misery. But we always had enough to eat, and we lived in nice middle class neighborhoods. As a salesman, my dad was a good provider, though not such a great husband.
My father’s dad abandoned him and his sister when they were small children, and my dad never got over the pain of having a father who didn’t love him. So when my parents divorced when I was 14, my dad did not abandon me and my three siblings. He stayed in touch with us by letter and phone, and he never missed his child support payments.
Roy George Wigginton was the first in his working class family to graduate from high school, and the first to go to college. Raised by his mother and grandparents, he developed an empathy for the little guy, and became a lifelong Democrat. A tolerant, non-religious man, he voted for JFK and heatedly defended him when the other guys in his carpool attacked Kennedy for his Catholicism.
When I became a Buddhist at age 17, my dad was supportive. When my brother became a pot grower and one of my sisters became a lesbian, Dad accepted them and their choices without hesitation. He might have been disappointed when I left the business world to become an aspiring writer, but if he disapproved of my decision he never let on, saying instead, “Always do what you love.”
I’m glad that I’m white and male in this society, because it’s easier than being black or being a woman. But the biggest advantage that I’ve had and that anyone could have, other than good health, is having a loving family with two supportive parents. Being loved is way more important than being white.
So thanks Dad for being such a good role model. And happy Father’s Day, wherever you are.
David Wigginton 