Who decides when we die?

April 5, 2019

My friends Birgit and Jeff lost their beautiful home in the devastating California wine country wildfire of 2017, and they came within minutes of losing their lives. Most of their neighbors had already escaped the roaring flames, but one neighbor, Richard, unsure of whether Birgit and Jeff had already evacuated, pounded on their door to awaken them in the middle of the night. Several neighbors had tried to call them to alert them to the imminent danger, but fire-caused power outages prevented Birgit and Jeff from receiving the phone calls. Richard saved their lives. Forty two people died in that fire.

Why were Birgit and Jeff fortunate survivors when other people were not? Was it just luck that they had such a thoughtful neighbor? These are the questions that Birgit and I discussed two days ago as we hiked at Lake Sonoma with our Wednesday hiking group.

Of course, on one level these questions are unanswerable. How, when, and where we die are mysteries to our conscious minds, conundrums about which we can only speculate. But that didn’t stop Birgit and me from wondering aloud about possible explanations for her and Jeff’s good fortune. Although she cannot be sure, Birgit thinks that they may have survived because they had a reason to live: their adult daughter, and Birgit’s mother, both of whom would have been crushed by the shocking deaths of Birgit and Jeff. Whether it was guardian angels, their souls, or good karma, something seemed to be protecting them that dreadful night.

If that is true, however, why didn’t a similar someone or something also prevent the deaths of the 42 people who did die that evening? Did those unfortunate people die randomly, or did they run out of luck? What about all the people who die every day from apparently untimely events such as car accidents, plane crashes, shootings, war, or sudden medical emergencies? And what about all the people who do live through those catastrophes, then feel survivor’s guilt because they made it and others didn’t?

There is a possible explanation for how, when, and where we die, but it’s an explanation that isn’t provable, so for many people it is not believable. Even so, it interests me, not only because it offers meaning to our deaths, but also because intuitively it feels right, at least to me.

Who decides when we die? We do. Not consciously, unless we commit suicide. But rather, on an unconscious, soul level, our interior being decides that it’s time to move on, either because we’ve completed our tasks for this lifetime, or because of karma that we have incurred and that needs to be redressed.

Abraham, a non-physical teacher of mine, put it this way: Because we know that life is eternal, and we know that there is no ending to you, if one of you is killed in an earthquake or crashes your plane, or any number of other very creative ways you have found to make your exit into the Non-Physical, because we know the whole picture we grieve not a moment for any of you. But from your more shortsighted point of view in physical, a lot of you grieve tremendously…The timing of your death is always chosen by you. (Abraham-Hicks Publications)

Why did Birgit and Jeff survive the fire? They don’t know, and neither do I. At least, our personalities don’t know. But if Abraham is right, then some part of them does know the answer to that question. And that information may become available to them once they do die and shed the limitations of their physical bodies and minds.

For now, they’re rebuilding their home and enjoying their lives. And tomorrow night Birgit and I are going to take pleasure in Jeff’s quartet’s singing performance. Life goes on, and when it ends, it still goes on. I hope to hear Jeff sing for centuries to come.